First of all, I know that in terms of adoption angst / grief, I have had it pretty easy. For nearly 6 years it has been pretty much non existent in our house.
Both girls will tell you proudly that they are from China. We talk about how I met Lindsi at the hotel & she laughed & smiled the entire time. We talk about how I actually missed Jami's "Family Day" because of an airline delay & that when I got her, she screamed & cried & would hardly let me hold her for 3 days.
At 3, Jami is just coming to terms with some of her story. In her mind, there was no life "BEFORE" Jami. She has always been here...even though she will also tell you that I flew on a plane to get her in China. These days she references back to pictures she seen...Remember Mom...when I was in China with my Strawberry Shortcake Dress???"
Lindsi's never really talked much about China at all. Except to tell me that we should go back to China for another sister or two.
So, it was even more surprising to me when I went into the family room last night & Lindsi was looking through our China photo albumns & crying. She was looking at the various pictures & Chinese woman (the asst dir who brought her to me, her fostermom, & our Nanchang guide) & asking which one was her mother. She wanted to go to China right now & find her mother.
It's hard not having any information. The best you can do is love them through it & answer whatever questions come up. There is a lot going on in her head these days centered around adoption & who her birth parents are. She's very private, so I'm not sure, even if I ask, if she will talk much more about it.